IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE - Don't Overlook The Obvious

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Doing Their Best

They did not let you down,
If they tried their best.
So, stop punishing them.

Yup!
They did not get the results that you wanted, hoped for, or expected.
They failed.  And, you're angry, as well as disappointed.
So, you do what comes natural to you. And, what you believe is the proper thing to do. You complain, let them know that they failed, and remind them of their past failures.

If they try to defend themselves, you shut them down, saying that you do not want to hear their excuses. You remind them that you could have and would have succeeeded. And, that you probably should have simply done the thing yourself. You might even ask aloud why you even bothered to trust that they would have pulled-off the task.

If they simply keep quiet and sheepishly accept your tongue lashing, you remind them of what a wimp they are. You ask where their backbone is. You say that you cannot believe you married someone who was so incompetent.

If they walk away from you, you order them to return. Or, you remind them that 'running away' is how they always deal with conflict.

And, let's not forget that you often do the above in front of or within earshot of your children.

Come bedtime, you will undoubtedly not be in the mood for intimacy. Or, if you are, you will find a way to put them down in that arena, as well.

Stop, already!
Ask yourself the following:
* Did they try their best? If so, stop punishing them!
* Could you truly have done better than they did?
* Was the task really a realistic one, to pull off?
* Was the job within their skill level?
* Would you like to be treated this way, when you fail at a task. (And, remember that at some point in time, we all fail at something.)

Try acting like a loving partner, instead of like a disapproving parent.
Think twice about asking them to do something.
Decide whether or not they are likely to be up to the task. (The issue is not whether or not the job needs to be done. The issue is whether or not they can realistically accomplish it. And, to your level of satisfaction.)

'Nuff said!

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